Jokes!

Discussion in 'The Counter' started by TxCajun, Apr 22, 2005.

  1. JR37

    JR37 Well-Known Member

    Jun 18, 2009
    Jonesboro, Arkansas
  2. USMCTimmy6216

    USMCTimmy6216 Active Member

    165
    Jul 19, 2010
    Havelock NC

  3. HatRon56

    HatRon56 Grand Poobah Supporter

    May 25, 2007
    Hampton Roads,VA
    Unfortunately, COVID pandemic has finally affected me financially. My budget is tighter than a frog's butt so to offset the extra cost for food, electricity, etc. I have a need to make some extra money on the side...it is what it is.

    So...I am now proud to announce that I am selling ADULT TOYS. I hope no one will feel embarrassed to ask for them. I have all kinds, sizes, and styles according to your needs. Discretion is guaranteed AND YES I AM A CHRISTIAN SO STOP JUDGING ME

    Ask for yours anytime. I have everything listed below:

    -Walkers
    -Wheelchairs
    -Oxygen tanks
    -Canes
    -Disposable diapers
    -Teeth glue
    -Heating pads and more
     
    SKYDANCER, mtn_chef, tx-rvr and 2 others like this.
  4. HatRon56

    HatRon56 Grand Poobah Supporter

    May 25, 2007
    Hampton Roads,VA
    Breaking News, Major League Baseballs first line drive into the stands kills 2 !
    The 2 cardboard people were later determined to have died from the Corona virus...
    Even cardboard people are dying from the virus !!
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2020
    SKYDANCER and fez like this.
  5. fez

    fez Well-Known Member

    Jun 24, 2009
    florida
    When my father was a young man the local politician in his district died. One of the politicians aides was seeking donations. He approached my father in the street and asked: "Do you have fifty cents to bury a politician"? To which my father replied: "Here's a dollar. Bury two of them".
     
  6. fez

    fez Well-Known Member

    Jun 24, 2009
    florida
    This is kind of gross but here goes:
    Dracula walks into a bar and orders a hot cup of water. The bar keep asks "What are you going to do with that"? Dracula proceeds to pull a used tampon out his pocket and exclaims "Tea time".
     
    darkwriter77 likes this.
  7. RAT76

    RAT76 Well-Known Member

    clint.jpg
     
    rtm and fez like this.
  8. JR37

    JR37 Well-Known Member

    Jun 18, 2009
    Jonesboro, Arkansas
  9. fez

    fez Well-Known Member

    Jun 24, 2009
    florida
    A man goes shopping in a Moscow supermarket mumbling to himself "No eggs, no milk, no bread ,no meat"-- A policeman hears him and says "Comrade if you keep talking like that I will have to hit you in the head with my pistol". The man exclaims "Geez we ran out of bullets too?"
     
    FLT, darkwriter77 and RAT76 like this.
  10. fez

    fez Well-Known Member

    Jun 24, 2009
    florida
    Russian cosmonauts land on the moon and are instructed by Putin to paint it red and claim it for Russia. Trump hears about this and tells our astronauts to get up to the moon with plenty of white paint and paint Coca Cola over the red.
     
  11. fez

    fez Well-Known Member

    Jun 24, 2009
    florida
    Putin takes a trip to the farmland to see how the farmers are doing. He stops at a potato farm and asks how the crop is. The farmer says "President Putin if we could stack the potatoes up they would reach up and touch God". Putin admonishes him and says 'God does not exist" The farmer replies "Neither do the potatoes".
     
  12. lop

    lop Well-Known Member

    May 20, 2008
    So, is that a Dan Quail joke too?

    lop
     
    RAT76 likes this.
  13. HatRon56

    HatRon56 Grand Poobah Supporter

    May 25, 2007
    Hampton Roads,VA
    A friend of mine is a pharmacist.
    She just got married recently.
    I asked her how did she meet her husband.
    She said he came in one day and asked for XXXXXL condoms.
    It was only after they got married she realized he stuttered.
     
    Tex Ohfive, rtm, fez and 1 other person like this.
  14. fez

    fez Well-Known Member

    Jun 24, 2009
    florida
    This elderly lady is swimming at the local lake. She swims out to the raft and sees a young girl taking cigarettes out of a condom. When she asks the girl why she does this she says "it keeps them dry". Thinking this is a good idea the elderly lady goes to the drug store and asks the druggist for some condoms. The druggist asks her what size? She replies "Oh I don't know maybe big enough for a Camel".
     
  15. JR37

    JR37 Well-Known Member

    Jun 18, 2009
    Jonesboro, Arkansas
    She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our

    usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,

    wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in.

    As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You've got to make love to me this very moment!"


    My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.


    Afterwards, she said, ‘Thanks’, and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.


    Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?"


    She explained, “The egg timer's broken."
     
    Tex Ohfive, rtm, fez and 3 others like this.
  16. VegasSub2K

    VegasSub2K Well-Known Member

    450
    Feb 11, 2016
    A city dude in an Old West town came out of a business and observed an Indian on the sidewalk nearby. A woman passed by the Indian and he raised his hand and said "Chance".
    This raised the city dude's curiosity and so he continued to stand and watch the Indian.

    Moments later, another woman passed by the Indian and once again, the Indian raised his hand and said "Chance".

    Totally confused, the city dude walked over to the Indian and said "I have watched you for some time now and every time a woman passes by you raise your hand and say 'Chance'. I thought Indians always said "How".

    The Indian replied "Know how, want chance".
     
    fez and darkwriter77 like this.