I assume you have tried different ammos, cleaned and lubed the PF9, checked the feed ramp for smoothness, checked the extractor and spring for proper function, scanned/felt the rails and grooves for burrs, etc. The obvious things. Some PF9's just do not like 148gr ammo, so if that is what you were using, try some 124's or 115's. Also, if your PF9 is new and not broken in yet, be sure to use FMJ ammo and not some exotic "flying ashtray" hollowpoint that might not feed well.
Try something different as a test:
Hold your PF9 straight in front of you, the traditional "isosceles stance", except bend both elbows a moderate amount, to where you can see a slight angle between your forearm and your upper arm, on both sides. This is a weird stance, I know. Feels like you're doing "the chicken dance". Now as you go to shoot, think about the recoil coming straight back at your chest, not moving upwards, and not rolling the gun in your hands. You'll never be able to control it to make it do this straight back thing, but attempt to, and keep it in your mind (imagine) that you are doing so. You want a firm grip, and both elbows bent. Think recoil as in "pushing straight back at your chest, like a battering ram".
You will feel like an idiot shooting this way. And look like one too. Tough. It's just a test. If your psych will be bruised by shooting like I describe above, then you're really gonna flip out at what I say in the next paragraph.
How does your PF9 shoot now? Is it still doing "failure to ... everything"? If not, you have probably been "limp wristing" the gun before. I know, I know. Macho guys don't "limp wrist". That's only for sissy's, right? But I will tell you, if you have not shot a lot of small lightweight but potent pistols, you are almost surely limp wristing. I don't care if you are one solid muscle from head to toe. And the more experience you've had in the past shooting powerful full sized handguns, the more tendency you have to limp wrist. This is because you can get by with sloppy or poorly developed technique shooting a heavy full sized pistol. The gun will shoot just fine, and you may well be very accurate with it despite the limp wristing that you have trained yourself to do without realizing. But that sloppy technique just does not work with the small lightweight semi-autos.
The goal, if indeed you do find you are limp wristing (even if you won't admit that to others), is not to try and compensate by strangling the poor little PF9 into unconsciousness with a death grip. Work on your technique so that recoil comes as much straight back at you as you can manage. This is as much a mental thing as a physical one.
Another sign that you may be using poor technique with your PF9 is if it is uncomfortable to shoot. When I first got mine, after shooting full sized pistols very well for decades, my shooting hand was going "Ouch, ouch, ouch - get me out of here!" after only 25 to 50 rounds with the PF9. I would be shaking, flinching, staging the trigger, and every other bad thing you could do. Now, after shooting this PF9 for, what, about 8 years now, I find it just fine to shoot. I can put hundreds of rounds through it without discomfort. Sure, it's a snappy little beast, but no longer a painful one.
Proper technique is everything when it comes to small lightweight semi-autos. The PF9 is only about 12 or 13 oz (unloaded) IIRC. If these super lightweights prove to be not suited to you, then next thing would be to move up to a (still small) 9mm in the 20oz range. Like a S&W Shield. Those extra few ounces make a big difference in the sensitivity to limp wristing. And in shooting comfort also.
And get you one of these grip sleeves - they are great and the model 18400 fits the PF9 perfectly!
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01N9MGD1Q/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Good luck!